My Death Anxiety - COVID-19

Crossing the other side of the twenties has been weird. I feel a little insecure at times and fearlessly confident at times, but nevertheless, I have never felt so overburdened before. I always thought I was holding on and balancing well,

but, 

now I barely understand my surroundings. Most of it seems vague and distinctive. 

I feel there are too many things in the world yet to be done...

Too many colors yet to be used on my canvas,

Too many roads I have not walked by,

Too many sunsets and sunrises, yet to be experienced.

Since my childhood, I remember looking up to the sky, thinking - can stars see us too like we do?  The delicate and vulnerability of the human existence and bewilderment of what lies above and beyond have always inspired me to know more and at the same time has made me a little wobbly.

Well, if  I could hide away..

But

Would I?

As I stay nearly 1600 kms away from my loved ones, of late, I have developed the fear of death or death anxiety, commonly known as thanatophobia. The recent widespread 'Chinese virus', rather known as COVID-19 has shaken me to the core. Every day, my fear keeps increasing with the increasing number of infected and deaths within the country. The updates on the lack of proper medical facilities to accommodate the infected scare the hell out of me. Each passing minute, I fear dying away from home, away from my loved ones. Memes on the current situation make me feel hopeless about humanity. I lost a little faith in seeing people joke about such a serious scenario. I am worried, worried about everyone..I doubt pushing myself through this...

Masking my anxiety and sleepless nights with laughter is all I can do now, with a little hope of - "And this, too, shall pass away".

Am the only person with this uneasiness?

On the other side of the coin, 

I am always fond of the little things in my life that give me a hundred reasons to live with a little hope, laugh with belive and keep smiling with a promise.

As I work from home now, in between my well-arranged excel sheets and screenshots, attachments and links, tricks and treats, my messed up sulkings and failures, categorizations, analysis, and the yellow fish curry spilled on my white shirt, I am definitely going to take a p.a.u.s.e in the next T.W.E.N.T.Y.O.N.E  D.A.Y.S while the country is under lockdown to acknowledge all the things I keep ranting about and enjoy the rare sound of silence around...

Because who knows about tomorrow ?

Stay well...